10/14/12

Dear readers,

I'm too stubborn to ever give up and NOT right a blog for the day, but at the same time, I'm in too much of a funk to write any of the usual stuff.  I have all these thoughts running through my mind, and no place else to really put them, so guess I'll send them out your unknown-crowdness instead.

So basically something really terrible happened in our church, and its just reminding me of how sad life is.  This teenager named Spencer was our shooting arrows with a friend yesterday and got shot in the head by accident.  His friend panicked and pulled the arros out, which sent Spencer into a coma.  As of today, and several scans later, he has no brain activity.  A 16 year old kid, his whole life ahead of him, on the edge of death because of a stupid accident. I'm hoping with everyone else that God will heal Him, but I'm not psychic, so there's no way to be at peace about it ahead of time really. 

In Sunday school today, we prayed about it with the little kids, and one of them just sat there and held his head and cried. It was terrible to watch; I hugged him and offered him tissues as any therapist-to-be would, but it all felt so empty. The worst part of it was that I realized...that I didn't share this kid's horrified shock. That when I heard about it I felt mostly numb because, to me, this is just par-du-course- the world is a horrible place and always will be. I used to fight it, optimistically thinking that things CANT be this bad, but now I've given up, because I know that tragedies happen every day, and I control nothing. I stopped hoping because too many shocked-disappointments killed all that.  Is that normal? Probably not.

Life ends unexpectedly everyday for people, and I want my non-Christian friends to have peace and salvation in Christ, but of course I can't control that either, which sucks too. At the end of days like this I'm just like, "Jesus come get me; there can't possibly be anything else coming that's so "wondeful" that I'd be sad I missed it for the sake of being in Heaven with you instead."  I'm so tired of seeing all the pain this world, this imperfect life, inflicts.

That's today.   The end.